Sunday, 30 October 2011

Going Cold Turkey

I am quitting all of the following things for 30 days.

  • hamburgers
  • hotdogs
  • french fries
  • onion rings
  • chicken wings
  • chicken burgers
  • chicken nuggets
  • pizza
  • beef
  • pork
  • bacon
  • milk (cow)
  • cheese (cow)
  • yogurt (cow)
  • potato chips
  • corn chips
  • popcorn
  • pretzels
  • crackerjacks
  • candy
  • pork rinds
  • ice cream
  • popsicles
  • jerky
  • beer
  • wine
  • liquor
  • coffee
  • tea (excluding herbal)
  • soda pop (excluding soda water)
  • illegal drugs
  • video games
  • internet pornography
  • online gambling
  • television 
  • frozen food that comes in a box
  • cookies
  • cake
  • brownies
  • muffins
  • tarts
  • and pies
The key to sticking to my plan is a cheque, made out to Oprah Winfrey in the amount of $750 dollars.  

The cheque will be given to my good friend Scooby, with instructions to mail it if he can validate any claim that I have breached the terms of my fast.  Many of my family, friends and co-workers know Scooby, and love Oprah, so I will be under constant scrutiny.

I’ve asked Scooby to be fair and use good judgement, noting that this is a test of my willpower rather than a challenge to my friends to screw me over.  Being Rick-rolled with internet pornography won’t result in a default.  Glancing at a TV in a department store or a friends living room won’t result in a default.

No comments:

Post a Comment