Hot Turkey - Day 15 Report

Date: February 15
Weight: 191
Today’s Superfood: blueberries
Fruits and Veg: banana, apple, celery, tomato, carrot, blueberry, tomato x2
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: moisturising at night makes waking up just a little easier
Least Favourite: I blame 8 glasses of water for my lack of weight loss
Athletic prowess of: Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Sex appeal of: Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Hot Turkey - Day 14 Report

Date: February 14
Weight: 190
Today’s Superfood: pepitas
Fruits and Veg: banana, carrot, celery, orange pepper, apple, tomato x2, green pepper
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: 7 hours on the elliptical = 7 gallons of sweat
Least Favourite: 1400 crunches = pain and suffering
Athletic prowess of: Stemmler in the excellent film Win Win
Sex appeal of: Paul Giamati

Hot Turkey - Day 13 Report

Date: February 13
Weight: 190.4
Today’s Superfood: walnuts
Fruits and Veg:, apple, carrot, celery, red pepper, carrot, tomato x2, parsley
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: I am amazed at the amount of crud flossing removes on a daily basis
Least Favourite: 2 weeks in and ab crunches have not gotten any easier
Athletic prowess of: Lamar Latrell throwing an unmodified javelin
Sex appeal of: Dudley Dawson

Hot Turkey - Day 12 Report

Date: February 12
Weight: 189.8
Today’s Superfood: dried blueberries
Fruits and Veg: blueberries, apple, fruit smoothie, vegetable soup x2, arugula, spinach, tomato
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: eating an apple is like a secondary tooth brushing
Least Favourite: Cramming scalding hot oatmeal into my mouth fast enough that I don’t miss my bus (no longer a stay at home dad)
Athletic prowess of: Lendale White after being released by the Broncos
Sex appeal of: Jeff Goldblum with bad lighting

Hot Turkey - Day 11 Report

Date: February 11
Weight: 190.0
Today’s Superfood: salmon
Fruits and Veg: apple, banana, carrot x2, bean sprouts, fennel, tomato, green pepper
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: 174 calories burned on the elyptical
Least Favourite: meditating for 10 minutes is hard when there’s so much great stuff waiting on the internet
Athletic prowess of: Glenn Dody, Bronze medalist in the 2011 Seniors Games, 400M track event, age 85-89 category (1min 42 seconds)
Sex appeal of: a youngish Billy Crystal

Day 10 video

Hot Turkey - Day 10 Report

Date: February 10
Weight: 189.4
Today’s Superfood: spinach
Fruits and Veg: apple, banana, grapes, vegetable soup (sweet potato, celery, carrot) x2, spinach, fennel, arugula
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: pushups were groan-free today
Least Favourite: Flintstone vitamins taste much worse than they did 30 years ago
Athletic prowess of: 2008 Olympic gold medalist coxswain Mary Whipple
Sex appeal of: a cleaned up Tex Cobb

Hot Turkey - Day 9 Report

Date: February 9
Weight: 189.6
Today’s Superfood: walnuts
Fruits and Veg: apple, grapes, bean sprouts, carrot, avocado, tomato x2, pear  
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: daily shot of olive oil, no longer vomit inducing
Least Favourite: a horrible flossing experience will be described in the next video
Athletic prowess of: Virgil Riley Runnels Jr (aka The American Dream Dusty Rhodes)
Sex appeal of: Steve Carell mid chest wax (remember I stared out as hungover Steve Buscemi - this is progress)

Hot Turkey - Day 8 Report

Date: February 8
Weight: 189.4
Today’s Superfood: dried blueberries
Fruits and Veg: apple, mixed berry smoothie, raspberry, arugula, tomato, mango, grapes, bean sprouts
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: push ups are working, arms are less feeble
Least Favourite: crunches are not working, back hurts, tummy is soft
Athletic prowess of: Jeopardy legend Ken Jennings
Sex appeal of: Monty Hall

Hot Turkey - Day 7 Report

Date: February 7
Weight: 190.4
Today’s Superfood: pumpkin seeds
Fruits and Veg: apple, mixed berry smoothie, banana x2, arugula, tomato, mango, raspberry
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: After 6 days on the elliptical, I don’t think I’ll ever waste another minute on a stationary bicycle
Least Favourite: Bored with veg, I went very fruit heavy today - most nutritionists advise against this
Athletic prowess of: 2009 Shuffleboard World Champion Jim Bailey (not tabletop either, I’m talking full-sized shuffleboard)
Sex appeal of: Anne Ramsey, who actually has kind of a ruggedly handsome manliness, which is unfortunate for her

Hot Turkey - Day 6 Report

Date: February 6
Weight: 190.6
Today’s Superfood: walnuts
Fruits and Veg: apple, mixed berry smoothie x2, banana, sweet potato, carrot, arugula, brocoli
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: After 6 days on the elliptical, I don’t think I’ll ever waste another minute on a stationary bicycle
Least Favourite: The last veg of the day is always the worst; you never want broccoli to be the final thing you taste for the day
Athletic prowess of: Olympic Gold Medalist in the 10 meter air rifle, Nancy Johnson
Sex appeal of: a middle-aged Wilford Brimley

Hot Turkey - Day 5 Report

Date: February 5
Weight: 189.0
Today’s Superfood: walnuts
Fruits and Veg: blueberries, apple, melon, bean sprouts, tomato, lettuce, arugula, banana
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: push ups haven’t brought on muscle growth yet, but mild inflammation creates a similar effect
Least Favourite: 8 glasses of water is a lot; my bladder might be getting more exercise than any other body part
Athletic prowess of: Canadian curling legend Guy Hemmings
Sex appeal of: Pete Postlethwaite

Hot Turkey Day 4 Report

Date: February 4
Weight: 188.8
Today’s Superfood: brocoli
Fruits and Veg: pear, apple, banana, corn, arugula, carrots, sweet potato, brocoli
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: Push ups that were embarrassingly hard on day one are already getting easier on day 4
Least Favourite: Finding professional athletes with little athletic prowess to whom I can compare myself
Athletic prowess of: John Daly about halfway between his best and his worst
Sex appeal of: Lou Perlman

Hot Turkey - Day 3 Report

Date: February 3
Weight: 188.2
Today’s Superfood: ground flax seed
Fruits and Veg: apple, blueberries, banana, tomato x2, spinach, carrot, pear
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: The elliptical machine is so brilliantly quiet and exhausting - I feel like an out of shape ninja; completely silent except for my gasping
Least Favourite: 30 minutes of reading was meant to calm my nerves and help me sleep; only way I can get 30 uninterrupted minutes is by staying up really late.  Will need to find a way to make this work.
Athletic prowess of: Snooker legend Dennis Taylor without his glasses
Sex appeal of: Snooker legend Dennis Taylor with his glasses

Hot Turkey Day 2 Report

Date: February 2
Weight: 187.6
Today’s Superfood: pumpkin seeds (pepitas)
Fruits and Veg: blueberries, apple, avocado, green pepper, arugula, spinach, carrot, pear
Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: ten minutes of meditation with your eyes closed in a quiet room is really delightful.
Least Favourite: 100 push ups is actually a lot of push ups for someone who is more accustomed to zero push ups
Athletic prowess of: PBA Seniors Tour Bowler Ron Profitt
Sex appeal of: PBA Seniors Tour Bowler Ron Profitt

Hot Turkey Day 1 Report

Date: February 1
Weight: 189.2
Today’s Superfood: Blueberries

Fruits and Veg: apple, blueberries, banana, eggplant, arugula, green pepper, spinach, carrot, cabbage

Habits Kept: 100%
Favourite New Habit: It's nice to get that glass of wine in early

Least Favourite: olive oil is a terrible way to start your day

Athletic prowess of: Andy Fordham circa 2004

Sex appeal of: Hungover Steve Buscemi

The Hot Turkey Diaries - Launch Day

In my last experiment, I dropped 42 bad habits cold turkey.  Now I’m picking up 21 new habits - hot turkey.  Every day for the month of February, I’ll be following the regime below.  We’ll see whether or not it gives me the physique of a Greek god.  I’m betting no.

If I fail, I’ll be sending $500 to Dr. Oz, another talk show host who clearly doesn’t need the money.  And someone who even I (the guy who ate monkey food for a week) find a bit too gimmicky. For those who are curious, Oprah still hasn't cashed my cheque.

Nutrition
An apple  
A bowl of oatmeal
8 servings of fruit and veg
8 glasses of water
An ounce of olive oil
A cup of green tea
An omega 3/6/9 supplement
One aspirin 81mg
A calcium supplement
A glass of red wine
At least one Super-food , e.g.

oily fish

walnuts

blueberries

broccoli

spinach

ginkgo biloba

accai berry

pomegranate

spelt

quinoa

flax seed

And a Flintstone vitamin

Fitness/relaxation
30 minutes cardio
100 pushups
100 crunches
5 minutes stretching
10 minutes of yoga or silent meditation
30 minutes of reading

Hygiene
Floss my teeth
Moisturise skin
Lather rinse repeat (I’ve never repeated before)

Final Cold Turkey Video!

Day 30: Monday, November 28

Weight: 188.4
Energy: great
Breakfast: oatmeal
Lunch: leftover fish and potatoes
Dinner: a single peanut
Cravings: not anymore
Superpowers: Herculean willpower
Notes:  The single peanut for dinner was because technically the 30 days expired “after dinner” today.  So a quick peanut dinner followed by a delicious sirloin steak.  I feel bloody good and bloody proud of myself for pulling this off.  There was the incident with the milk on day 21, but I think I have a solution to that - possibly a costly one (see the video).  I’ve lost just over 8 and a half pounds in 30 days. And to be honest, I have little desire to binge on anything.  I think this month of restraint has re-calibrated my appetites.

I’d like to thank Scooby for holding the check and for keeping this all above board.  I’d also like to thank my wife Heather for not flaunting her television watching and very moderate alcohol consumption.  

Stay tuned for the Hot Turkey Diaries, during which I do all the things you’re supposed to do (from flossing your teeth to eating your broccoli) every... single... day.

Day 29: Sunday November 27

Weight: 189.0
Energy: great
Breakfast: toast
Lunch: poached fish and potatoes
Dinner: leftover vegetable soup
Cravings: not having to worry about accidentally eating something forbidden
Superpowers: I can see the future, and it is beefalicious
Notes:  Unless you have quit 42 things cold turkey for 30 days, you may have trouble imagining how happy I am to be writing about day 29.  I know that in some ways the whole thing has been kind of goofy, with the big list and the cheque to Oprah.  But at the end of this experiment, I will have kicked alcohol, caffeine, television, gambling, salted snacks, candy and desserts for a month.  That’s a big deal.  It’s almost a shame I don’t smoke and do drugs so I could be even more proud of myself.  I’ve also lost 8 pounds in 4 weeks - if I could do that again, I’d have my weight right where I want it.  Maybe most importantly, while I’m craving a few things (a glass of wine, a nice little steak, a few episodes of The Ultimate Fighter) I’m not craving a return to my previous consumption patterns.  Maybe it’s a good idea to stop and re-calibrate my lifestyle every once in a while.

Day 28 Video

Day 28: Saturday November 26

Weight: 189.4
Energy: pretty good
Breakfast: toast
Lunch: leftover couscous and chickpea salad
Dinner: roast chicken and potatoes
Cravings: steak
Superpowers: ability to lift an entire cow... one box at a time
Notes:  Well this was the ultimate temptation day - the arrival of my local, grass-fed, pure bred Hereford beef cow.  500 pounds of forbidden food.  It would have been ideal to pick up the meat on day 30, but this is not bad. The end is in sight; the bottom of my chest freezer is not.

Day 27: Friday, November 25

Weight: 189.0
Energy: drained
Breakfast: apple
Lunch: couscous and chickpea salad
Dinner: homemade vegetable soup and toast
Cravings: TV
Superpowers: Ability to sit perfectly still for 16.5 hours consuming nothing but water and literature
Notes:  So, the long blog absence was due to a business trip to Yellowknife in the Northwest Territories. If I thought the preceding days were tough, and I did, Yellowknife was another level of pain.  And that’s not a knock on Yellowknife.  But the reality is that it twelve hours of air travel (not including a 4.5 hour delay) is pretty miserable when you can’t watch in flight entertainment or ingest pretty much anything on the food/booze trolley. And that's just one-way. But then when you finally get to your hotel room at 4:00am, you can finally unwind with something from the mini-bar and some TV, right?  Not if you were dumb enough to do the Cold Turkey Diaries.  Video update to follow soon.

Observation in lieu of a good blog post

It's funny how nothing makes you look more like an alcoholic than drinking club soda.

Day 24: Tuesday November 22

What a blur.  On day 23 I spent over 15 hours in airports and on planes.  No access to a scale, meagre access to internet.  Plenty of access to minus 39 degree temperatures.  That should kick start the old metabolism.  Sorry for the weak updates.  Should improve soon.

Day 22: Sunday November 20

Weight: 191.8
Energy: poor
Breakfast: bread and jam
Lunch: chicken on a bagel
Dinner: fish and baked potatoes
Cravings: white wine
Superpowers: Enhanced smelling power
Notes:  This was the first incident in the diaries of my wife drinking wine in front of me.  Her dad has come to visit, so of course with a guest in the house a bottle was opened.  I’d be a terrible host to impose my own restrictions on anyone else.  But I have to say, it was very tempting to just pour myself a glass.  Or sneak into the kitchen and guzzle from the bottle.  I didn’t cave.  The social pressures are much stronger than any other. I should have had some fancy juice in the house so I wouldn't have felt so left out. Fancy juice may be the key to reducing my alcohol consumption post-experiment.

Day 21 Video

Day 21: Saturday November 19

Weight: 192.6
Energy: completely bummed out
Breakfast: peanut butter toast
Lunch: spinach omelet, decaf... with milk
Dinner: pan fried fish and potatoes
Cravings: I wish I could turn back time
Superpowers: I’m a weak and stupid man
Notes:  I F’ed up today.  Put milk in my decaf.  I feel awful.  I’ve been depressed all day.  It’s rather pathetic.  Scooby has ruled that this doesn’t constitute a breech of contract.  I think I disagree with him, but according to the rules laid out at the beginning, Scooby gets to judge.  When I thought about the potential for disputes between me and Scooby, this certainly isn’t what I had in mind.  By allowing me to continue, he’s actually punishing me more than if he forced me to forfeit.  Day 30, which I had really been looking forward too, will now feel hollow.  As will every day between now and then.  The Cold Turkey Diaries didn’t break my will, they just broke my concentration. Shit.

Bill Buckner

Day 20: Friday November 18

Weight: 192.4
Energy: good
Breakfast: 2 apples
Lunch: egg sandwich and pasta salad
Dinner: beans and rice
Cravings: Fried chicken
Superpowers: nil
Notes:  Fried chicken isn’t on the boycott list, but it still feels like I shouldn’t eat it, especially with my weight stuck at 192.4  Only 10 days to hit my new target of below 190. Can’t wait for tomorrow.  On Saturday mornings, Finley and I make bread while mummy sleeps in.  It’s one of my favourite parts of the week.  We used to watch cartoons while the dough was rising.  But no TV for 10 more days.  Sorry little buddy.  I’m sure your brain will thank me later.

Day 19: Thursday November 17

Weight: 192.4
Energy: decent
Breakfast: oatmeal and blueberries
Lunch: leftover pasta
Dinner: bean burritos with cilantro, tomato onion and lime
Cravings: my keys
Superpowers: I have the impression that superman never lost his keys.  I don’t know where he kept his keys, but I’m willing to bet he always knew where they were.  Seriously, who has my keys?
Notes: No, seriously.  Keys?  Anyone?  My longest stretch of sobriety in 20 years and this is when I lose my keys for the first time in my life?  Is it possible that my drinking was somehow the source of my excellent key awareness?  It seems unlikely I know, but this one data point doesn’t lie.  The day I was too drunk to icefish, I didn’t lose my keys.  The night I was so drunk I got thrown off of Kid Rock’s bus, I didn’t lose my keys.  19 days of tea-totalling (I’m not even drinking TEA for christ sake!) and my keys are gone.  Sonofabitch.

Day 18 Video

Day 18: Wednesday November 16

Weight: 192.4
Energy: decent
Breakfast: leftover rice pudding
Lunch: some kind of terrible vegetarian sandwich and crudite
Dinner: past with tomato sauce
Cravings: Fish and chips and pints
Superpowers: I’m not even sure I have the powers I started with
Notes: In a word... ennui.  30 days is too long.  I’m wondering if there is anything left to prove, or if the remaining 12 days are just some kind of sadistic afterword.  I’m quite certain that the deep fried bagged junk food (chips, pork rinds) is out for good.  Ditto for frozen food in a box.  I even think I could give up fries for ever as long as I kept burgers.  Not a fair time to make a judgement on ice cream.  I would like to have wine and television back in my life.

Day 17: Tuesday November 15

Weight: 192.6
Energy: poor, but it’s the crying baby’s fault
Breakfast: oatmeal and blueberries
Lunch: spinach and portobello salad
Dinner: leftover fish, vegan rice pudding
Cravings: TMZ
Superpowers: the ability to somehow live my life without knowing precisely how many Lohans are in jail at a given moment
Notes: Coconut-milk rice pudding kind of felt like cheating, even though it is well within the rules and was vegan to boot.  I keep waiting for the science that says coconut milk cures cancer and heart disease, but it never comes.  I freaking love that stuff.  Coconut milk puts other alternamilks to shame.  Vegan milks, in ascending order of drinkability: brown rice milk, almond milk, regular rice milk, soy milk, hemp milk, coconut milk.